Convention Reports: 2018 Resolutions Committee

Faculty Committee Chair: Joyce Horton
Email of Contact:

Committee Members:

Aidan Washer Gamma Eta,  Savannah Logsdon Alpha Beta, Kevin Hammand Gamma Eta, Osvy Rodriguez Gamma Rho, Bianca Steinmeier Gamma Eta, Brooke Manuska Gamma Gamma, Tori Yagodinski Gamma Eta, Dianessa Dizon Gamma Gamma, Andrea Lee Alpha Psi, Jessica Ramirez Sigma, Amber Murphy Alpha Gamma, Lainelys Fumero Sigma, Josh Robinson Gamma Kappa, Alexis Hart Alpha Eta, Niama Allen Beta Eta, Matthew Collins Rho, Jessica Againa Beta Eta

Committee Report:

2018 National Convention Resolutions:
On the days of March 1-3, 2018

Whereas: All guest speakers should know how to turn off their phone alarm clocks prior to presenting.
Whereas: All questions should be asked in a Scottish accent, for consistency. No presentation is complete without a question being asked in a Scottish accent.
Whereas: Bowling alley lanes should not tell you that you earned a strike when you roll a gutter ball. Whereas: Presenters should be given copious amounts of water when presenting posters.
Whereas: Each attendee shall purchase a minimum of one Sigma Zeta branded item so that the office may be cleared.
Whereas: Fire alarms in aquarium going off
Whereas: An explanation will be made as to why black bears are the final exhibit at an aquarium.
Whereas: The food upstairs in the chapel will be equal to the Sigma Zeta donuts and water on the first floor.
Whereas: Those presenting honor awards will use correct pronouns for recipients.
Whereas: There will be scheduled nap times and areas (“D.N.A. = designated nap area”)
Whereas: Andy’s Frozen custard will always be chosen over Freddies.
Whereas: All future meetings will be held at the Miami, Florida Chapter. Whereas: No advisors shall make you walk back to the hotel from a field trip.
Whereas: No advisor shall choose your “Quality” hotel as the definitions of quality may differ.
Whereas: No advisors shall talk you into an oral presentation at Sigma Zeta as opposed to a sunny Spring Break trip to Arizona.
Whereas: If the convention is going to be in a cold state, long sleeve shirts will be presented to attendees.
Whereas: Everyone should be allowed to drink coffee and eat donuts before the first oral presentation.
Whereas: Normal (non-citrus) water will be provided for those who have citrus allergies. Whereas: Q-balls will be wholly intact when playing pool.
Whereas: All bowling alleys must serve beer.
Whereas: There shall be an open bar at every banquet going forward. Whereas: Sigma Zeta backpacks will accompany the purchase of a water bottle.
Whereas: There shall be a Sigma Zeta grant request for water bottles as opposed to research money.
Whereas: Special thanks to Dr. Alexander Wait our keynote speaker who has shown us that desert island communities are in fact feeding on a sea of riches.
Let it therefore be resolved that: Sigma Zeta offers a special thanks be given to Evangel University for the use of their beautiful facilities and Beta Eta Chapter for hosting a wonderful 2018 National Convention.